1. Make a pro-con list.

  2. Both columns are, of course, equal. That is because they are the physical manifestation of the litany that has been running through your head endlessly for the past few weeks. If one column were longer, this would be an easy choice and you wouldn’t need the pro-con list in the first place.

  3. Stare at the columns. Wonder if putting them on paper will get the litany out of your head so you can finally get some sleep.

  4. It won’t.

  5. Call your parents. Receive advice.

  6. Gchat your friends. Receive different advice.

  7. Call parents again. Attempt to win them over to the other choice. Convince them this is what you really want.

  8. Is this what you really want?

  9. Pray.

  10. Continue to feel confused.

  11. Read some existential philosophy. This will definitely help. Think about all the life decisions you have ever made. Think about how these things you just did, like taking a job in another city, changed the whole course of your life.

  12. There aren’t only two options, you know! There are infinity things you could do, with your life.

  13. Google MFA programs. Why didn’t you think of this before?

  14. Do some math.

  15. Apply to some other jobs. Try to get excited.

  16. Never hear back.

  17. Decide to start your own company. This will be awesome.

  18. ...

  19. Find Game of Thrones on VidAngel. You have always been curious about this show. Watch the pilot, just to see what it is like.

  20. Watch three seasons in the span of two weeks.

  21. Your life is pretty great, comparatively speaking.

  22. You are very lucky to even have life options like this. Oh my gosh, get over yourself. This is not that big of a deal, cosmically speaking.

  23. Ugh, anything will be better than this constant indecision. Make a choice.

  24. Pray.

Note: prior to reaching the final step, every time someone says "But, you LOVE your job!" or "But, teaching is so fulfilling!" or "But, the children!", go back to step one and start over.